Frustration strikes..

This is a total random post (very common of me) I'm on a caffeine high, so don't mind me..
I must be ovulating. Actually, I know I am, I've been feeling super tired these last couple days, It's killing me. I cannot look at my self in the mirror because I all I see is a super fat version of me..
Truth is, I'm more toned than ever before, I've lost so much weight but I just don't see it right now. Hyrum and I hired a personal trainer a few months ago and we love it! we really look forward to going every morning.
But it's been a couple months since I became a "woman" again. I literaly hadn't had my period in over two yrs (because of pregnancy, nursing, pregnancy and then nursing again.) so This "going back" it's really killing me..
Today I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed my big hips, and a couple love handles.. ugh. what an ugly sight...

confession: I went straight to the "secret drawer" and popped a caffeine/fat burning pill... what have I done? great. I feel jittery, my hands are super cold and my eyes are itching like hell!
Stupidest thing I've ever done..
I've learned my lesson.
So now, I have to wait until this thing wears off and be myself again.. sigh*